Please don't leave me
by Ruthyroo
Summary: Brendan's feelings as he see Ste lying in hospital. A one shot.


**After tonights E4 episode**

**Please don't leave me :)**

As soon as I heard, I rushed to see you, but you wouldn't know because you're a little out of it right now. They try and keep me from you but nothing could keep me from you and anyone who tries to stop me from seeing you will get it from me. I'm sorry I fell to the floor when I saw you, I guess I was just a little shocked to see you laying there so helpless and vulnerable. I'm just not used to seeing you so quite. My whole being aches for you now and if I could trade places with you I would in an instant.

You don't deserve to be here, but I do and you have no idea how mad I feel at myself because I wasn't around to protect you. Maybe if I had tried harder, fought harder you wouldn't be here at all. I desperately want to wrap my hand around yours, I want you to know that I'm here and that I'm not going anywhere…at least until you tell me to. I watch you intently for any signs of life or movement and my renewed faith is urging me to pray for you…I am begging the big man not to take you away from me.

You have seen better days, yet you still look beautiful. I want to wrap you up and take you home, I could look after you…I would do that gladly. I would do anything for you, you know that don't you? The tubes, the mask, the blood, I want to take it all away from you and clean you up…I want to make you look like Steven again. I have to watch you from outside now, I know they are only trying to help you but I hate feeling this far away from you.

I want to be in there with you, if I could I would lie right next to you. Apart from the nurses and doctors it's just me and you here…just the way I like it and if I had the power, I wouldn't let anyone else near you. See I just need you to get better so that I can tell you what I should have told you ages ago. I need to tell you how I feel, how without you I just don't function. I want to tell you that I'm so in love with you and always have been.

Will you even give me that chance? Please don't punish me anymore…just open your eyes now and we will forget all about it. You always have to make a drama out of everything don't you? Your wedding was drama enough for one day and if you just wake up now I will forgive you. Who else have I got? No one gets me the way you do. You think I'm a good man, well if I am it's because of you and if you leave me now then I can't be good anymore…I need you.

Out of nowhere comes Doug and he's angry, really angry but then I can't blame him because I feel the same. I know he's your partner but I'm not leaving you…I won't. I have just as much right to be here as him. In fact I have more because I loved you first and I know I will love you last. See this thing with him, it's not love and I know that now. You are just killing time with him until you are ready to love me again, I know I have to prove myself and don't worry I will.

I know I have let you down before but those days are gone. This is a new me now and all I want you to do is see that. I will wait for you as long as it takes, because you are worth it. Doug wants me to go; he blames me for you being in here like this, I know he does, but it's not my fault, not this time. I am not responsible for this. I stayed away, I let you have the perfect day and even without my presence it turned to shit. What does that tell you?

But when he breaks down and almost screams your name I forget that we are enemies, I forget that I hate him because he has everything I want and for a minute we just are and I put my arms around him to comfort him, to stop him from losing control. I know that if you could see me right now you would be proud of me…fucking hell, I am proud of me. You knew all along though didn't you? You knew I had a heart. You were the one who brought it all out of me.

Doug is calmer now, although he is still crying and if I wasn't the big hard man I make out to be, I think I would be crying alongside him. Seeing you this way is heart breaking and I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm scared. I'm scared of losing you, of never getting the chance to hold you again or to feel the softness of your lips. I'm scared to live in a world where you don't exist because I don't know where I would be without you. You really have no idea how much you mean to me do you?

Then your machine beeps…you're flat lining and I can hardly believe it. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. This can't be the end. What about your kids? What about Doug? What about me? You need to fight, you need to be stronger than you have ever been, you have to make it Steven…you have to. I can't look as the doctor's rally around; they are desperately trying to save you and I am desperately trying not to fall apart so I turn away from you and wait. Please don't die, please don't leave me.

**Comments below please :) xx xx xx xx xx**


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